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Post #1
 4th November 2003 - 11:19 PM
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We are Australians! WE, the people of a free nation of blokes, sheilas and the occasional wanker. We come from many lands (although a few too many of us come from New Zealand) and although we live in the best country in the world, we reserve the right to bitch and moan about it whenever we bloody like. We are One Nation but we're divided into many States: First, there's Victoria, named after a queen who didn't believe in lesbians. Victoria is the realm of Mossimo turtlenecks, cafe latte, grand-final day and big horse races. Its capital is Melbourne, whose chief marketing ptch is that "it's livable". At least that's what they think. The rest of us think it is too bloody cold and wet. Next, there's NSW, the realm of pastel shorts, macchiato with sugar, thin books read quickly and millions of dancing queens. Its capital, Sydney, has more queens than any other city in the world and is proud of it. Its mascots are Bondi lifesavers who pull their Speedos up their cracks to keep the left and right sides of their brains separate. Down south we have Tasmania, a state based on the notion that the family that bonks together stays together. In Tassie, everyone gets an extra chromosome at conception. Maps of the State bring smiles to the sternest faces. It holds the world record for a single mass shooting, which the Yanks can't seem to beat no matter how often they try. South Australia is the province of half-decent reds, a festival of foreigners and bizarre axe murders. SA is the state of innovation. Where else can you so effectively reuse country bank vaults and barrels as in Snowtown, just out of Adelaide (also named after a queen). They had the Grand Prix, but lost it when the views of Adelaide sent the Formula One drivers to sleep at the wheel. Western Australia is too far from anywhere to be relevant. It's main claim to fame is that it doesn't have daylight saving because if it did all the men would get erections on the bus on the way to work. WA was the last state to stop importing convicts and many of them still work there in the government and business. The Northern Territory is the red heart of our land. Outback plains, sheep stations the size of Europe, Kangaroos, Jackeroos, Emus, Uluru and dusty kids with big smiles. It also has the highest beer consumption of anywhere on the planet and its creek beds have the highest aluminium content of anywhere too. Although the Territory is the centre piece of our national culture, few of us live there and the rest prefer to fly over it on our way to Bali. And there's Queensland...While any mention of God seems silly in a document defining a nation of half-arsed sceptics, it is worth noting that God probably made Queensland - it's beautiful one day and perfect the next. Why he filled it with dickheads remains a mystery. Oh yes, and there's the ACT (Canberra). The least said the better. We, the citizens of Oz, are united by Highways, whose treacherous twists and turns kill more of us each year than murderers. We are united in our lust for inter-national recognition. Not that we're whingeing; we leave that to our Pommie immigrants. We want to make "no worries mate" our national phrase, "she'll be right mate" our national attitude and "Waltzing Matilda" our national anthem. (So what if it's about a sheep-stealing criminal who commits suicide??) We love sport so much our news readers can read the death toll from a sailing race and still tell us who's winning. And we're the best in the world at all the sports that count, like cricket, netball, rugby, AFL, roo-shooting, two-up and horse racing. We also have the biggest rock, the tastiest pies, the blackest aborigines and the worst-dressed Olympians in the known universe. We shoot, we root, we vote. We are girt by sea and pissed by lunchtime. Even though we might seem a racist, closed-minded, sports-obsessed little people, at least we feel better for it. I am, you are, we are Australian. -------------------- :: BoostCruising :: The Automotive enthusiasts site with extensive Car Sales, loads of Car Parts, mags, wheels and Tyre Sales, along with subs, tweeters, head units, speakers, heaps of Car Audio. Over a million Aussie's can't be wrong!
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thats awesome
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fully_hectic_mate
Post #19
mm australia only has like 1 million of 19 million that are actually australians including the aborigines. hahaha soon itll b none |
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TurbostyleR
Post #25
i can see this topic getting closed pretty damn soon... |
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No idea man ... could be something to do with the ozone hole over Australia. We got one of the highest suncancer rates in the world etc. Well, native australians, the good ones, are really cool dudes. They're suffering from the effects of getting their home taken over. So if there were laws against this kind of thing today (which we do), then yeah...Australia is their home, and we shouldn't be there according to those laws. We plundered it. This happened not that long ago actually. But as I mentioned already, this kind of thing happened all over the world, so nothing much we can do about it now I guess, and also, higher powers always make exceptions to protect themselves by saying 'we don't include the times before these laws were passed', and nonsense like that. But we got to imagine what would be the situation if we put ourselves into the shoes of the native australians, and we were the ones that got stuck in such situation. That's how we learn to respect other races and help each other. |
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why? i think its great Everyone always piss-moans about saying how much australia sucks, and how much the government sucks etc etc.. but then something like this comes along and re-instates the feeling of patriacy that we become united for... Things could be some much worse, and you cant even imagine it ... People complain because "oh i got fined for doing 50Km over the speed limit, the cops must be out to get me" or "oh i got defected for this or that or whatever" when you need to realise that you should feel lucky enough to have jobs, have cars, have money to do all this stuff.. And think about if you lived in afganistan or somewhere else in the middle east? Your conscripted at around 10 now. And your complaining because your breaking the laws and getting caught for it? Imagine if you did live in the middle east, you wife/girlfriend/sister/mother wouldnt be allowed out of the house.. I know you might think that that could be a good thing but lets put the male perspective on it: No girls walking out clubbing in short skirts at night. No parties with chicks there. No chicks driving modded cars for you to pretend your better than. Get where im coming from? When it comes down to it, Australia is one of the best countries in the world to live, and it takes something like that post to make people realise it. my two cents - sorry make that 5 cents, we dont have two cents any more |
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