On Christmas morning, a cop on horseback was sitting at a traffic light. Next to him was a kid on his shiny new bike.

The cop said to the kid, "Nice bike you've got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"

The kid said, "Yeah."
Well, next year tell Santa to put a taillight on that bike." The cop then proceeded to issue the kid a $20 bicycle safety violation ticket.

The kid took the ticked, but before he rode off he said, "By the way, that's a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"

Humoring the kid, the cop said, "Yeah, he sure did."

The kid said, "Well, next year tell Santa to put the dick underneath the horse, instead of on top."


i loled


add more

A driver is pulled over by a police man.

Man: Is there a problem Officer?
Officer: Sir, you were speeding.
Man: Oh I see.
Officer: Can I see your licence please?
Man: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
Officer: Don't have one?
Man: Lost it 4 times for drink driving.
Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Man: I can't do that.
Officer: Why not?
Man: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Man: Yes, and I killed and raped the owner.
Officer: You what?
Man: She's in the boot if you want to see.

The Officer looks at the man and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer2: Sir, could you step out of your vehicle please! The man steps out of his vehicle.

Man: Is there a problem sir?
Officer2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Man: Murdered the owner?
Officer2: Yes, could you please open the boot of your car please.

The man opens the boot, revealing nothing but an empty boot.

Officer2: Is this your car sir?
Man: Yes, here are the registration papers.

The officer is quite stunned.

Officer2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving licence.

The man digs in his pocket revealing a wallet and hands it to the officer. The officer opens the wallet and examines the licence. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer2: Thank you sir, one of my officers told me you didn't have a licence, stole this car, raped and murdered the owner.

Man: Bet you the lying bastard told you I was speeding, too.

It's a nasty day, and a guy gets pulled over for speeding.

The cop says, "Isn't it kind of dumb to be driving so fast in this storm?"

The driver says, "Who's dumb? You're the one who's standing out in the rain."

cop pulls a speeding motorist over, and asks him why he was speeding..
bloke says my wife ran off with a cop, i thought you was bringing her back




meh, was funny once, a long long time ago

hahahahahahaqhahahahahahahahahah first one i loled for ages

THATS THE BEST ONE LMFAOOO

Bhahaha that is actually pritty funny

Bloke stumbles out of a bar, falls flat on his face. he clambers to his feet and makes it to the car park, it was about this time a couple of fellow pub goers had caught sight of him..
he walked up to a car, stretched it far out over the roof, and started rubbing in cirlces (like he was waxing it). hed say "naaaah" hed move on to the next one and do the same thing "nooope"

he gets to about the 5th car, when the two blokes walk over to him and ask "what are you doin to those cars mate?"
the drunk man says " iv lost my car"
the men give a puzzed look and ask, "how can you tell its your car by rubbing the roof?"
drunk man says "cos mine has lights and sirens on top!" X)