Taste Test

A teacher was doing a study testing the senses of her students. The first test was "taste".
She gave them five different flavored Lifesavers and asked them to identify the taste of each.
The children began to identify the flavors by their color:
Red ........Cherry
Yellow.....Lemon
Green.......Lime
Orange.....Orange
Finally, the teacher gave them all honey Lifesavers.
None of the children could identify the taste.
The teacher said, "I will give a clue. It's what your mother may sometimes call your father."
One little girl looked up in horror, spit her Lifesaver out and yelled, "Oh my God! They're ass holes!"


SAS

A large group of Taliban soldiers are moving down a road when they hear a voice call from behind a sand-dune.

"One Australian SAS soldier is better than ten Taliban".

The Taliban commander quickly sends 10 of his best soldiers over the dune whereupon a gun-battle breaks out and continues for a few minutes, then silence. The voice then calls out "One Australian SAS soldier is better than one hundred Taliban".

Furious, the Taliban commander sends his next best 100 troops over the dune and instantly a huge gunfight commences. After 10 minutes of battle, again silence. The Australian voice calls out again "One Australian SAS soldier is better than one thousand Taliban".

The enraged Taliban Commander musters one thousand fighters and sends them across the dune. Cannon, rocket and machine gun fire ring out as a huge battle is fought. Then silence. Eventually one wounded Taliban fighter crawls back over the dune and with his dying words tells his commander, "Don't send any more men, it's a trap, ...there's actually two of them."


Lotto Winner

A man turns and asks his wife of 30 years,
“What would you do if we won lotto?”
The wife replied,
“I would take half and divorce you.”
“That’s just great!,” he replied. “We won Division 4, Here’s $10.50 now fuck off"


Ralph & Edna

The love story of Ralph and Edna...

Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental Hospital.

One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool. Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end.

He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.

Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out. When the Head Nurse, Director became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.


When she went to tell Edna the news she said, ' Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged, since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love. I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness.

The bad news is, Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead.'


Edna replied, 'He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?'