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| GOLFING INJURY Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole. The ball hit one of the men, and he immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony. The woman rushed down to the man and immediately began to apologize. "Please allow me to help. I'm a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me," she told him. "Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes," the man replied, still in pain, in the fetal position, still clasping his hands together in his groin. But she persisted, and he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, she loosened his pants, and put her hands inside. She began to massage him. She then asked, "How does that feel?" He replied, "It feels great, but my thumb still hurts like hell." |
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| A man, on his way home from work was stuck in traffic which was much worse than usual. Noticing a policeman walking among the stalled cars, he asked, "Officer, what's the holdup?" The policeman says: "Wayne Carey is so depressed about being caught cheating that he's stopped his car and is threatening to douse himself in petrol and set himself on fire. He says his family hates him, fans hate him, his team mates hate him and he now won't have the $1 million from his footy contract. I'm walking around taking up a collection for him." "Oh, really?" the man says. "How much have you collected so far?" "So far only 20 litres, but a lot of people are still siphoning." |
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| how do yew catch a unique rabbit? unique up on it.. how do you catch a tame rabbit? tame fucking way br0... |
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| Wayne Carey wakes up one morning, showers and puts on his best tracksuit ready for another hard days work of being an overpaid footballer. Catching sight of himself in the mirror he thinks, "By God, Wayne, you're looking good this morning". He admires the fine cut of his outfit and the Neat trim of his hair, and flexes his biceps. "Feeling good,too" he notes proudly at the firm swell of muscle underneath the tight tracksuit he was wearing. He enters the kitchen downstairs where his girlfriend hands him a bowl of cornflakes. "You're looking fit this morning, Wayne". "You don't have to tell me..," says the thick tosser appreciatively. I feel good as well." "But you're not smelling so good, mind you " comments his beloved. Wayne takes a sniff. "You're right there." he says worriedly. "I am smelling a bit rough." He eats his cereal, downs his coffee, and sets off for Arden Street. "Good morning, Denis," he grins at Denis Pagan. "It's a fine morning Wayne," says Dennis, "and you're looking really good." "Why thank you. I look good and I feel pretty good as well," says Wayne flexing both arms for his benefit. "Oh Wayne!" winces Denis in disgust, "you smell awful!" Worried, Wayne visits his doctor. "Doc, I've got a problem. I look good, I feel great, but I smell awful." The doc reaches down for his medical dictionary. "You look good," he scans down the page, "you feel great....but.....smell awful. Hmmm yes..." "It's quite simple, Wayne," the doctor says "You're a Cunt." |
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| It was a Friday afternoon in a grade 4 classroom, and little Johnny was sitting at the back of the class. The teacher, Mrs. Smith told the class that they had to answer a few questions about politics before they were allowed to go home. Mrs. Smith: "Who is the prime minister?" A little chinese kid, Toby Wong puts his hand up.. Mrs. Smith: "Yes Toby?" Toby Wong: "John Howard" Mrs. Smith: "Very good Toby, you can go now" Mrs. Smith: "OK, next question.. Who is the leader of the British Monarchy?" A young vietnamese girl, Sophie Chan puts her hand up.. Mrs. Smith: "Yes Sophie" Sophie Chan: "Queen Elizabeth" Mrs. Smith: "Correct Sophie, you can go now" Little Johnny says to himself "Fuckin Asians" Mrs Smith looks up and yells "WHO SAID THAT?" Little Johnny stands up, gets his bag and shoots back "Pauline Hanson miss, see ya Monday!" |
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| How Do You Catch A Unique Rabbit? Unique Up On It. |
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| How Do You Catch A Tame Rabbit? Tame Way, Unique Up On It. |
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| FARTS... The Vain Person One who loves the smell of his own farts. The Amiable Person One who loves the smell of other people's farts. The Proud Person One who thinks his farts are exceptionable fine. The Shy Person One who releases silent farts then blushes. The Imprudent Person One who boldly farts out loud, and then laughs. The Unfortunate Person One who tries hard to fart, but shits instead. The Scientific Person One who farts frequently, but is truly concerned for the environment. The Nervous Person One who stops in the middle of a fart. The Honest Person One who admitted he farted, but offers a good medical reason. The Dishonest Person One who farts but blames the dog. The Foolish Person One who suppresses a fart for hours and hours. The Thrifty Person One who always has several farts in reserve. The Anti-Social Person One who excuses himself and farts in complete privacy. The Strategic Person One who conceals his farts with loud coughing. The Sadistic Person One who farts in bed and then fluffs the covers over his bedmate. The Intelligent Person One who can determine from the smell of his neighbor's fart, precisely the latest food items consumed. |
